This post won’t be the typical thought provoking/critical thinking approach that I would take. This would be an official rant, along with a way to clear a few of the many classless rumors spread about me by people in that same category.
As many of you know, I am an artist. First and foremost as a dancer/choreographer, then model, along with aspiring actor.
I say the word ‘aspiring’ because apparently, I am yet to be ‘confirmed’ to be a part of any huge projects. I have been fortunate enough to be a part of Mazhavil FM’s short film titled “Annorunaal,” and Passionate Fool’s Malayalam Music single “Luvvh.” I wouldn’t say I’m a struggling actor/artist, because I’m not. It just so happens that my position in the world is rather “inconvenient” for some folks to “actually see me,” and thus, I had decided that acting may not be for me right now.
Going back to the term, ‘confirmed,’ it seems to be a word which I am faced with throughout my life. Whether it be through performances I would voluntarily partake it, to auditions I may have done, to college applications, to registering for college courses, and for the past few years- it has been a word I have been hearing when I am awaiting a response from the Malayalam film industry.
Recently, I have been in contact with a few people, and one project in particular seemed to have been a mutual interest in both parties (myself, and the movie team). I heard about this project around the end of last year and thus…I’ve yet again immersed myself in the fantasy of acting.
This particular person whom I’ve been in contact with is a friendly guy. A genuinely good-hearted fellow; but me having the constant let down from various people in the industry (as well as various other classless people approaching me with offers), wanted to get things done, and straight to the point. I no longer wanted to strike up conversations introducing myself, why I want to act, what else I do, etc. That can easily be found out through my Facebook page.
After talking for several months, I would bring up the question as to whether or not my role in the film was set or not, and I would always get the response, “nothing confirmed.” Every single time. This may not seem like a big deal for some people, but for me- after seeing various other actors making their way into the industry, having their “confirmed” status- brings me to frustration.
I had learned never to set expectations for most things in life, especially when it comes to the film industry. I had been let down by one too many people, people whom are even considered family friends and are known in the Malayalam film industry, yet, they too have brought disappointment.
To simply state “you’re not confirmed for the film” or “you’re not in” would be soothing to the ears than to rather hear, “nothing is confirmed.” I know things have been confirmed. I see the news. I know how to read. So, why is it that for my instance is it so hard to just give me a yes or a no? You’re ultimately playing with a persons emotions, getting inside their head- and that was never intended on either party.
Funny thing is, in an older blog I had written years ago, I had mentioned this thought of pursuing acting. Even in my childhood, I had often danced the word around my house, and yet- I’m still stuck in this limbo of “to be or not to be an actor.” It’s in my blood, it’s definitely within me, but unfortunately, my timing seems to be off. It’s all about luck in this industry…along with money and contacts unfortunately.
I do apologize for the rant…but I guess the one thing I have to say from this is if it’s in your blood to do something, do it. It may take time, and a ton of effort, but don’t let that passion die. Also, if you just so happen to be the decider for the person, just give them the answer they deserve rather than toy with the idea that they “may or may not be confirmed.”
Featured Photo: Clip from ‘Annorunaal‘