Alone, but not Lonely

I choose my isolation and thus, I enjoy the silence.

I am drawn in doing things on my own since a very young age. It’s not that I don’t like the company or the help in doing things – because I certainly do – but I enjoy time to myself. This perhaps may be because I consider myself to be a very independent person. I don’t like people feeling like they owe me to do something for me, unless its some kind of quid pro quo. That’s probably why I’d rather work on a project on my own than do it with a group.

It’s not that I’m antisocial; I’ve just been what I like to call a “floater” when it comes to relationships, meaning I bounce between groups of friends rather than having just a few close ones. I like to meet new people, learn about them and hear their stories, but by being this “floater” – there are times where I miss those connections and admire those who have them. This is when I feel alone…

But then I learned to never mistake being alone for loneliness. In order to evolve, you need time away – away from the noises of the world, friends, comfort and all distractions to find what is important and fulfilling. There’s nothing wrong with sitting back and enjoying the silence occasionally. Our busy world is also a demanding one. Between work, family, and friends, it’s incredibly tough to actually get time to ourselves.

We need to enjoy these fleeting moments when they arise. Make the most of your alone time by reflecting on your past and looking toward the future. Meditate and recharge, knowing it might be a while until you get some peace and quiet again.

These moments to yourself build character and show the level of patience you are willing to endure to find the spirit and wrestle with the thoughts that tell you, “you’re not worth anything” or “you can’t do it.”

There is a distinction that needs to be made with being alone and being lonely. When you are lonely, you are essentially saying, “I don’t have much meaning in my life… someone please come and comfort me… I need you, the world and all its people to occupy me and prove to me that I am worthwhile to breath…”

There will be moments in this time where you may wish to be held tightly as you may fragile and delicate… there will people who may pass you off and see and hear just the surface – such is their grace and understanding of you that’s gone in the blink of an eye…

Change these moments of loneliness into ones of aloneness. Alone, and by yourself. Do what you are mean to do which is serve. This takes courage and sacrifice of your self-centeredness. We are constantly being fed the idea that we need others around us in order to be happy and that’s not true. You yourself and you is all you need. You don’t need others to tell you you’re living your live correctly; just live. Do what you want to do.

Take the time to observe the world that encompasses you to yourself. So many of us, when we find ourselves alone – especially in public – tend to take out our phone to make it look like we’re busy, but why? Why do we have to be in a state which we’re not? Take the time to listen, to see, to feel… experience life. Instead of “acting busy”, take a book along with you.

Instead of watching the same sitcom reruns day after day, start a new hobby. Be a producer, not a consumer. By doing so, you’ll find the next big thing in your life will happen much sooner than if you were to wait for it to come.

Endure being alone to find that you are indeed loved and have love to return. This decision made in your heart will bring a glow to you that will attract others to you. Understand that you are good enough. You will never be lonely because you will have yourself and those you give to.

 Embrace yourself while you’re alone; it’s the best time you have to do so.

Featured Photo Credit: Nikky Stephen

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