The “Intimidation” Game

“Those who bring sunshine to others cannot keep it from themselves.”

Why is it that we feel intimated by others?

And yes, I said intimidated, not jealousy. There is a distinct difference between the two, even though they often accompany one another.

Intimidation isn’t just a “feeling,” it’s more of an action. It’s when one feels anxious, afraid or threatened of whatever it is that’s causing them to feel such a way.

Jealousy leans more towards the “feeling” side of things as it may happen when a person feels envious based on another’s appearance, achievements, friendships and whatever other physical attributes in life. It may also refer to a person who tends to be critical of another or a person who wishes to be liked by others, which leads to the insufficient confidence in one’s self.

We aren’t intimated by materialistic things – it’s often people and what they’ve earned – but there is no one who can make you feel inferior, there will be no one to tower over you (especially me, with my height 😉), and there will be no one to steal your voice, UNLESS, you allow them to. I believe in standing strong and upward, owning the values you believe in, knowing your worth, and never making yourself small to make others “feel” big.

Why am I talking about intimidation? Well, personally, I guess I have this “habit” of being intimidating around certain people and I really don’t know what to do about it other than to “own it.” For the longest time, I have been trying to sideline the idea that I may come off with a strong personality, but why should I? I worked hard on enhancing what is innate in me and what I wished to know, I persisted to be educated, intelligent, and successful at what I do…

This could also be the reason as to why I have a lack of friends, and those who I happen to befriend are either friends for life to the extent where I see them as family I never had, or passerby-ers in life.

And I didn’t grow up as “normal” person per say. I live a hybrid life, and though a struggle, I would like to think I’ve grown to accept that part of me and let it be a part of who I am. I am proud of my background, but at the same time, I’ve worked to defy it simply because I wish for my community and the world to move forward towards a better place…

My aim in life is to help others. Simple as that. I take my creativity and who I am seriously, and I presume that’s what puts people off. I simply believe and take risks, like many of those who may intimidate me, but rather than let the intimidation cause me to be bitter towards another or make me feel less of myself, I work to defy that state of mind by besting my mindset to become someone better.

When you believe you are inadequate in any way, you will inadvertently cut yourself off from your brilliance.  Sometimes, it’s just a little kink in the hose that still allows a small portion of your competence or grace or talent to come through.  And other times it’s just a complete blockage.  It’s not that all those wonderful things about you have gone away.  You just temporarily have trouble accessing them.

So how do you remove the blockage? What can you do to avoid becoming intimidated and losing confidence?

While it may be easy to look to the past to define who we are though the things we’ve already done – goals we’ve achieved, titles we’ve acquired, creations we have built. Our previous experiences coagulate to form an identity that is easy to confuse with our true nature.

The next time you find yourself feeling intimidated, notice what you are believing. Then ask yourself if it is really true. This may be difficult to do when you are standing in front of someone, so if it’s easier you can wait until the moment has passed.

You may believe  there is something you need to do or be to win someone’s affection or approval when in reality you just need to relax, be yourself and let go of needing so much to be liked by others.

The fact of the matter is, you are not your accomplishments, your creations, or the sum of the various roles you play in your life – manager, director, vice president, mother, father, friend, son, daughter, etc.

You are much, much more than that. YOUR potential is limitless.

And yet, we limit ourselves by these definitions for they are our trophies physically attributing us in a moments time. They filter the experiences we allow ourselves to have and compel us to define the form that our deepest longings should take. We believe in order to be happy, we settle and reason – we must get that promotion, achieve this or that particular goal, hit that target. So, we continue to go through the motions, doing the kinds of things we’ve always done.

Some of this may bring satisfaction, and some may bring a growing source of discontentment. We need to attune ourselves to that which brings us the most of what we truly desire and open ourselves to the possibility of what we really want may need to come in a form that has previously been undefined for us.

In short, we must allow ourselves to surrender what we think we know to open up to the mystery that is unfolding in each of our lives. It is important to honor our own evolution by giving credence to our desire to grow and change and allowing those desires to guide us.

The key to being authentic and true to ourselves is to listen to the beat of our own drum rather than allowing the sheer force of our accumulated patterns, habits and the expectations of others determine our identity.

You don’t have to sacrifice who you are in order to become who you truly wish to be.

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